Reader’s Letter

A novel approach from Keith to make you think,,,

December 2009 Newsletter

I thought the readers of this Magazine would be interested in the following PROOF that God exists and (which is even better news) that Hell doesn’t. This is the answer to a question set in a Washington University mid-term exam.

Question: Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? [ie does it give off heat or absorb heat?]

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

Answer: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time.

To determine this, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that ALL souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase nearly exponentially.

Now we can examine the reactive nature of Hell in relation to the rate of change in the volume of Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives rise to two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until a critical mass is achieved and all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct . . . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God’.

The student received an A+

This proof is not one, so far as I am aware, which has yet been accepted by any Christian leaders. But it does illustrate that we all in times of difficulty or stress tend to call out to something within and beyond ourselves. Religions call this something “God” and try to understand and reach out to him, usually following the leadership of one or more great historical figures. Atheists of all sorts try to explain the value of living a life in terms of the present circumstances of that life, not in the light of some sort of external, eternal and/or infinite value. Their arguments work well in well off societies like ours, but are harder to appreciate in the context of the lives of millions of sufferers in poor and oppressed places. The particular argument of many that any loving God could not permit such suffering and oppression is a tough one to deal with, but in the end it is easier to accept the probability of the existence of a God than not. This is being left here as a statement, but, of course, it needs to be proved or at least made logically probable – and it has been many times – but there is not room here to develop it.

Licensed Lay Minister

Keith MacLeod

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