River Wissey Lovell Fuller

What Does The Doctor Think - April

April 2019

There has been increasing concern recently about the rapidly increasing number of knife attacks against teenagers and young adults, all too often resulting in fatalities. Many carry knives to cause trouble and a great many carry knives as they feel it necessary to protect themselves. Police are restoring their powers to search youngsters for knives and police numbers on the streets in badly affected areas such as London and the West Midlands are being increased. It suddenly occurred to me that I spent most of my teenage years carrying a cut-throat razor around in my ex-Army rucksack which I wore daily to transport my schoolbooks and instruments to and from school. The cut-throat razor consisted of a viciously sharp blade which folded into its handle. I had to keep the blade razor “honed” sharp by dragging it up and down against a strop which looked like a leather belt. I kept the razor with my mathematical and science instruments (Yes, it is still there sixty years later) and I had to use it for cutting razor thin slices of biological samples in preparation for using them on microscope slides. I also used it at University when learning Anatomy.It never occurred to me, or any of my fellow pupils, that this was a dangerous weapon and I suspect that anyone stopped today and found to be carrying a cut-throat razor would have a most unpleasant time with the Police, or “Bules” as we used to call them on the Wirral (From the non-word consatabule). Female officers were called Judies (From “Judy Cop”). Also in my teenage years, I kept having strange conversations with my father who used a Gillette Safety Razor (which had replaced the cut throat) and kept wondering who had been using his razor and had blunted it. For some reason, he addressed his comments to me. How did he know?? Eventually, I confessed and he explained the correct way to “lather up” and to use the razor in such a way that the blade was not bunted. He bought me my own Gillette Safety Razor (I still have it in its box) and I was set up for life. In my early twenties, having qualified, I was doing an Orthopaedic House Job (now known as F1, F2) and part of my role was to look after the private patients. One of these was a lady whose hip we had replaced and I met her husband who turned out to be on of the directors of Gillette. Next day, he turned up and presented me with a long dispenser containing 100 boxes with 5 safety razor blades in each. This supply lasted me for over ten years and I then changed to the new double bladed razor, moving on to triple blades as time went on. I recently discovered the Gillette Fusion 5 power razor which has revolutionised my life, so much so that I bought one for each of our sons and sons in law., all of whom love it. Look it up, Gents. If shaving takes 5 minutes a day, this equates to 1300 hours (sixty three 24 hour days) over 50 years. Young men, halve that time with one of these new razors and save yourself a solid month or so over 50 years! A man was driving on a deserted road through Texas one evening when his car spluttered to a halt. He opened the bonnet and cursed his lack of knowledge. His torch was weakening when he heard a voice over his shoulder “It’s your fuel pump, tap it with your torch and try again”. The man looked over an adjacent fence where he saw a black horse, looking bored, and a white horse straining to look under the bonnet. The white horse spoke again - “Go on, try it”. The man did so, the engine started and he drove to a nearby bar, demanded a large whisky and, thoroughly shaken, told a rancher how a horse had fixed the car. The rancher thought, then said “Was it a white horse?” “Yes it was, am I crazy?” “No, you ain’t crazy. In fact, you’re lucky” said the rancher “because that black horse don’t know s**t about cars”. A newly wed wife came out of the shower and her husband persuaded her to let him photograph her naked, saying that he would keep the picture next to his heart all the time. After his shower, the wife demanded a picture which she took on her digital camera. As they look at the picture, the husband asked her what she was going to do with the picture. She looked at her husband, then at the picture, then back to the husband and said “Oh, I’ll have it enlarged” A man went skydiving for the first time and everything went wrong. Neither of his parachutes would open and, as he plummeted to earth, he saw a man coming up. He shouted to the man”Do you know anything about skydiving?” “No” came the reply “Do you know anything about gas stoves?”. Two friends, Ned and Carl, loaded up a minivan and headed to Scotland for a holiday. A terrible snowstorm brought them to a halt outside a remote farm. An attractive lady opened the door and they asked her whether they could spend the night. She explained that her husband had died so it would be unseemly for them to sleep in the house but they were welcome to use the barn. Two years later, Ned received a letter from a solicitor, discussing the attractive widow. Ned met Carl in a pub and asked him whether, by chance, he had visited the widow during the night. Carl was really embarrassed and admitted the dalliance, also admitting that he had used Ned’s name. He asked why Ned wanted to know. “Well, I am rich because she just died and left me everything!”replied Ned.

Best wishes to you all Ian Nisbet

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