River Wissey Lovell Fuller

What Does The Doctor Think - December

January 2017

I apologise that there was no article last month. Foolishly, but not unusually, I had left writing the article until very near the deadline for publication. Unfortunately, my hip developed another problem which put me in hospital at the time of the deadline. It is settling again and we have completed the purchase of our new home in Worcestershire so there will be a gradual “soft” move over the next few months while, hopefully, The Old House sells after it goes on the market in January. Deannie and I are most grateful for all your kind thoughts and comments. Talcum powder: Earlier this year, I described how talcum powder seemed to have disappeared. None of the grandchildren was powdered after changing and it transpired that the antipathy to talcum powder had arisen from a fear of ovarian cancer caused by migration of the powder from the outside to the inside, so to speak. We left it at that; personally, I rather regret its disappearance. It had been around since 1894 and had been used by younger women to ease the discomfort of shaving rashes and chafing caused by tight fitting trousers. Older women have been bombarded with advertising about talcum powder and “personal freshness”. Happily, it is still available and I have no risk of ovarian cancer! NEWSFLASH! An american lady battling ovarian cancer has just been awarded £57 million in a law suit against Johnson and Johnson, accusing them of “negligent conduct” in making and marketing its baby powder. 2,000 similar cases are pending but there is still tremendous argument about whether or not talcum powder causes ovarian cancer and many experts assert that there is no credible evidence of the link between talcum powder and ovarian cancer. Watch this space!

A man popped out to the pub for a quick drink after work on Friday. One thing led to another and he rolled home on the Monday morning. His wife was furious, tore into him and finished by asking him how he would feel if he didn't see her for three days. “That would be fine by me” he replied. However, she did not leave but the final joke was on her – on the second day, his left eye opened enough for him to see her. A nun got into a cab and noticed the very handsome driver staring at her. The driver told the nun that he had always fantasised about kissing a nun and she replied “That will be fine, as long as you are single and catholic”. He told her that he was indeed single and catholic and they enjoyed a kiss. Afterwards. The driver started to weep and confessed that he had lied and that he was married and Jewish. “That's OK” said the nun “my name is Kevin and I am on the way to a fancy dress party” JOKES FOR PEOPLE OUR AGE: An elderly couple became forgetful and the doctor suggested they write everything down to help them remember. The wife asked her husband for ice cream, topped with strawberries and cream. He refused to write it down, saying that he could easily remember that! Twenty minutes later, he returned and presented her with bacon, eggs, sausage and tomato. She stared at the plate and asked “Where's my toast?” Three old men were out walking. The first one said “Windy, isn't it?” The first said “No, it's Thursday” “So am I” said the third “Let's go for a beer” An old man goes into an ice cream parlour and climbs laboriously ans slowly on to the stool before ordering a banana split. The waitress asks kindly “crushed nuts?” “No” he replied “Arthritis” A few days after his medical checkup an 82 year old is spotted by his doctor who comments on the beautiful young lady on his arm. “Just taking your advice, doc,you told me to get a hot mamma and be cheerful”. “No” said the doctor “I said “You've got a heart murmur – be careful” An old couple decide to marry and go into a chemist shop. “Do you sell medicine for rheumatism – Viagra – medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice – vitamins – sleeping pills – antacids – wheelchairs and walkers?” The chemist replied that he stocked all of those. “Good, said the man - We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please”

Once again, it is time for Head Office and me to wish you a very happy Christmas and, perhaps more important, a healthy New Year. All good wishes from us both Ian Nisbet

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