River Wissey Lovell Fuller

What does the Doctor think - June

May 2014

What does the doctor think this month?    June 2014

There were several complaints from the reader about the lack of jokes in last month's article. This month,  I can do better as there is not much to report on the domestic front – the pheasant still struts around, master of all he surveys, with his friend the rabbit and the hen pheasant. His two wood pigeon friends have been missing for a week or two but we have just discovered the female, sitting in a huge nest they have built on top of the old welsh dresser we keep in our covered barbecue area. She seems very calm, mistress of all she surveys, and never bats an eyelid when we go nearby. After all, the wild life owns our garden, feels completely unthreatened and tolerates our presence very graciously, secure in the knowledge that Management would never allow me to upset their equilibrium, like with multiple simultaneous lead injections for example. The mild winter has been kind to the lawn, which is in super condition, and none of our chalk walls was damaged by the mild frosts so there is no repair work to be done there. The bluebells are flourishing and 90% are English (acceptable) with only 10% being the tall Spanish variety (very unacceptable). Last year one of the Spaniards reached 3ft 3in tall. The majority of the Spanish ones are having trouble penetrating the thick membrane which was laid down by the fairies a couple of years ago. Obviously, I could never do such a thing to the poor thugs!

Let's have some humour!

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. “Go through and have a chat with him” he said. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

>          "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."  The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all, they discovered that I could understand 12 languages and they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years". "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals". Now, after another eight years' service, I need to retire and, as a result, my owner  has decided to sell me!

>          The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10! But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"     "Because he's a lazy, lying little so-and-so  -  he's never been out of the garden during his life."

A Glasgow man phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction."£85.00 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied."£85 quid! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?" "That's the normal charge," said the dentist. "Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?" "That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock £15.00 off.""Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?" "I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop by £20.00." "How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?" "It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you £5.00 but it will be traumatic." "Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping centre. “Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir.  Do you know where your wife might be?'  'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with a beautiful face and a figure like yours, she appears out of nowhere.'

PUTTING ON THE RITZ!  We shall not be holding the annual Cream Tea afternoon in our Feltwell garden this year. Instead, on SUNDAY, JUNE 15th from 3 – 5pm we shall be serving cream teas and “posh” sandwiches outside St George's Church in Methwold (inside the church if wet) with beautifully dressed waiters, waitresses and a butler. There will be Afternoon Tea Dance Music and we encourage you to dress up in smart clothes as if going to The RITZ.There will be a children's play area and well-behaved dogs will be most welcome. The cost will be £6 per person (£3 children) and tickets are available from Ken and Wendy Waters (01366 727220) or from Management and me (01842 828956   ian@drnisbet.plus.com)

Best wishes to you all                                                                                        Ian G.Nisbet

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