Church Howlers

Graham found these "Howlers" in a Cornish Church magazine

THESE SENTENCES ACTUALLY APPEARED IN CHURCH BULLETINS OR WERE ANNOUNCED IN CHURCH SERVICES!

(If you can't laugh in Church, there's no hope anymore)

* The Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water".

The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus".

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale, it's a chance to get rid of those unwanted things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang I will not come this way again" giving obvious pleasure to many in the congregation.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Next Thursday there will be auditions for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the Church. So ends a friendship that began in their schooldays.

* At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

* Potluck Supper - Sunday 5:00PM - prayer and medication to follow.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoons.

* This evening at 7:00PM there will be hymn singing in the park opposite the Church. Bring a blanket and be prepared to sin

* Low Self esteem Support group will meet Thursday at 7:30PM. Please use the back door.

* The School will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Hall Friday at 7:00PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The Rector unveiled the Church's new Tithing Campaign Slogan last Sunday with the slogan :" I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

Flynn Pearce

from Graham Forster