A chuckle or two
An executive on a business trip to India, took time off to play a round of golf. He was playing particularly well when he noticed a group of locals watching him. They were obviously excited and were shouting "Tiger Woods?!"
He took this as a compliment to his golfing skills, grinned and made an ostentatious bow in their direction. It was at that point that a tiger came out of the woods and ate him!
After spending all their money on a "bender", Dave and Eric had no money for the taxi home. Dave suddenly said, "Let's steal a bus." He persuaded Eric to break into the bus station but 20 minutes later, Dave looked round the door. "What on earth are you doing", he said. "I can't find a number seven bus anywhere" replied Eric. "You idiot", shouted Dave, shaking his head in disbelief. "Just steal a number nine and then we can get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way."