River Wissey Lovell Fuller


April 2005

Graham unearths a few more weird wills and famous last words for your enjoyment

Juan Potomachi who dies in 1955 left £25,000 to his local theatre on condition that they use his skull when performing Hamlet.

A French nobleman who died in 1280 instructed that one of the columns in his local church should be hollowed out to receive his body "in order that the vulgar may not walk upon me."

The Russian pianist Vladimir Horowitz left $300,000 to the Juillard School of Music on the condition there would never be a competition named after him.

Leonard de Vinci's last words were - "I have offended God and mankind because my work did not achieve the quality it should have."

Oscar Wilde's last words were - "Alas, I am dying beyond my means."

Jonathan Jackson of Columbus, Ohio who died in 1880, left provision for the construction of a luxurious cats' home. He left detailed plans which included dormitories, a refectory, an infirmary, areas for conversation, roofs for climbing, rat-holes for sport and an auditorium where inmates were to be assembled daily to listen to an accordion player.

Some Irish curses:

May your obituary be written in weasel's piss.

May the lamb of God stir his hoof through the roof of heaven and kick you in the arse down to hell.

May the only tears at your graveside be the onion-pullers.

Graham Forster

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