River Wissey Lovell Fuller

Growing Old

April 2005

Another "you know when you are growing old when..."

You know you are growing old when:

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the morning after the night before but you haven't been anywhere.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder only to find that it is leaning against the wrong wall.

You are still chasing women but can't remember why.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your new bifocals.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.

Your knees buckle and your belt wont.

Dialling long distance wears you out.

You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.

The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.


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