River Wissey Lovell Fuller

Actual Military Appraisals

October 2004

A light hearter look at some of the appraisals awarded to our servicemen

As those of you have served before the mast will know, all servicemen, of whatever rank have to receive at least annual appraisals of their performance and skills. The phraseology used in compiling these appraisals has long been a source of humour amongst the armed forces. Here are some recent comments, all genuine, to bring a smile to your tired faces.

* Got into the gene pool when the life guard wasn't watching!

* A room temperature IQ!

* Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together!

* A gross ignoramus! 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus!

* A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on!

* Bright as Alaska in December!

* Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming!

* He's so dense that light bends round him!

* If he was any more stupid he would have to be watered twice a week!

* It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm!

* Takes him two hours to watch 60 minutes!

* Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

And my personal favourite: A young army officer, when shown his annual appraisal, was horrified to read This officer has been seen drunk! On seeing his concern, his superior said he would re-think that comment and wrote This officer has been seen sober!

Ray Thompson

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