Little religous stories

Some light - hearted religous stories to provide a chuckle for you.

Little religious stories

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his

congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have

enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's

still out there in your pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The

owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to

the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient

vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,

what do we know about God?

A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven"

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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before along

holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars

ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant

motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry

about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get

ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's

the same in my business."

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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the centre of

attention.

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"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.

There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"

and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's

morning."

==============

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he

was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note

under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If

I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this

note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket,

I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

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A father was approached by his small son who told him

proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What

do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy,

Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"

========

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her

brother in another part of the country. "Is there any thing breakable in

here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments" answered the

lady.

==========

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the

worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they

were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed

to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought

in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to

think of something to play after I make the announcement about the

finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we

are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected,

and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please

stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

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HYMNS FOR ALL THINGS

The Dentist's Hymn:.....................Crown Him with Many Crowns

The Weatherman's Hymn..............There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

The Contractor's Hymn:............... The Church's One Foundation

The Tailor's Hymn:....................... Holy, Holy, Holy

The Golfer's Hymn:...................... There's a Green Hill Far Away

The Politician's Hymn:.................. Standing on the Promises

The Optometrist's Hymn:.............. Open My Eyes That I Might See

The IRS Agent's Hymn:................. I Surrender All

The Gossip's Hymn:.......................Pass It On

The Electrician's Hymn:..................Send The Light

The Shopper's Hymn:.................... Sweet By and By

The Realtor's Hymn:.......................I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop

The Massage Therapists Hymn...... He Touched Me

The Doctor's Hymn:...................... The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:

-----45mph....................God Will Take Care of You

-----55mph....................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

-----65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee

-----75mph....................Nearer Still Nearer

-----85mph....................This World Is Not My Home

-----95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home

-----Over 100mph...........Precious Memories

Give me a sense of humour, Lord,

Give me the grace to see a joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And pass it on to other folk.

Anonymous