River Wissey Lovell Fuller


August 2004

Our Les expounds some theories on Vandalsim

I don't know what it's like in your part of the world but in my neck of the woods vandalism seems to be high on the agenda. I seem to know a little about the subject; as a teenager I was on the dishing it out side of the fence and later, as I assume I grew up, I was on the receiving end. Over a period of time I bought two brand new cars and within a few weeks each had been vandalised and believe you me it was no joke.

Now it appears that the people who go around doing this vandalising are a small group of young men! It seems the young ladies have got something better to do. I have suggested, bearing in mind my somewhat perverse sense of humour, that those responsible could be a group of us Old Age Pensioners high on Viagra at the time of the alleged offences but needless to say, and some would say fortunately, my observations have yet to raise a titter.

There has been much speculation as to how to cure the problem. Some have suggested we catch the young villains and thrash them to an inch of their lives which seems a splendid idea, especially if you are drunk at the time, which you would be to think up such a daft idea.

Another idea which seems to be making some progress is to spend a fairly large sum of money on play things for the very young, a "skate ring" or something for the older one's and also so I hear the building of a "shed" or whatever where the youngsters can gather when it rains etc. This idea of a "shed" appalls me as we didn't have "sheds" at our disposal when I was young. And what's more, I am rather concerned as to what these young people, boys and girls, will get up to in these sheds on a cold and windy night.

My puritanical upbringing tells me I would rather have them throwing stones at the windows of our Village Hall than know that in this "shed" they were indulging in practices that I can hardly bring myself to contemplate! Dear I say it? Activities of a sexual nature! This is where I fall out with our young people. All they think about these days is sex, and yet more sex. It wasn't like that in my day, it just isn't fair and I may well do something about it, like writing to my MP. Or failing that, adopt that well worn phase, "If you can't beat them join them".

I often think of when I was young and of the young today. Of course, there is a big difference. I

left school when I was just under 14. Today the earliest you can leave is 16, so I'm told. When I left school I was as thick as two short planks. If I had got medals for being gormless I would have had a bag full. Today's youngsters have to be better educated than I was; surely that is so, otherwise what are our Teachers at our High School up to?

And yet in spite of this superior education I don't know what good it's doing them. In my day, yes bring out the violins, I really did think a baby was found under a gooseberry bush, but the more sophisticated youngsters of today know it's not so. That being the case, I'm amazed at the number of young ladies I see pushing prams around; and don't tell me they are all "planned" efforts, in spite of the Pill and things you get from the top shelf! Oh, I just wish I hadn't had such a sheltered upbringing so I could express myself more freely.

So where is all this "extra" education taking most of our young people? Well, by the sound of it, down the same road as I went. So why not leave school at 14 and be done with it?

Les Lawrence

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