River Wissey Lovell Fuller

Food Humour

May 2004

Some more humorous quotes collected by the Editor

Just give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

Joan Rivers

Statistics show that fourteen out of every ten women like chocolate.

Sandra Boynton

After sampling my wife's gooseberry flan, I surreptitiously fed it to the dog, who spent the rest of the night in a corner with its paw down its throat.

Les Dawson

I help my wife with the cooking - I go from room to room removing the batteries from the smoke alarms.

Roy Brown

Last Christmas I spent over two hours trying to stuff the turkey - I nearly killed it.

Gracie Allen

I have only one rule about food - if it's not chocolate it's a vegetable.

Carole Cook

The first time my husband asked me for an aspirin and a glass of water I knew exactly what to do - I phoned my mother for the recipe.

Gracie Allen

I've joined a keep Fat Club. Every Wednesday morning we meet and eat as many cakes as we can manage.

Jo Brand

Any dish that has either a taste or an appearance that can be improved by parsley is, ipso facto, a dish unfit for human consumption.

Ogden Nash

Foods used for medicinal purposes such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sarah lee cheesecake have no calories.

Lewis Grizzard

Turkey is totally inedible. It's like eating a scrum half.

Willie Rushden

Artichoke is a vegetable of which one has more at the finish than at the start of the dinner.

Lord Chesterfield

Ray Thompson

Copyright remains with independent content providers where specified, including but not limited to Village Pump contributors. All rights reserved.