River Wissey Lovell Fuller


May 2004

A lighted-hearter prod at US Airport Security!

At New York's Kennedy airport yesterday, an individual, later discovered to be a school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Attorney General John Ashcroft believes that the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of maths instruction. Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult with the principal aim of terrorising children. It desires average solutions by means of extremes and sometimes goes off on a tangent in search of absolute value. Its members are often shadowy figures with names like 'X' and 'Y' and, although they are frequently referred to as 'unknowns', we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every angle and if God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction he would have given us more fingers and toes.

Therefore I am extremely grateful that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. These statistic individuals love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences it's time we differentiated their root, made our point and drew the line. These weapons of maths instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their maths on a scale never before seen unless we can become exponents of a higher power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex. As our Great Leader would say, "Read my ellipse". Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: Though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten around their necks.

Origin unknown, presumably in the USA.

Ron Watts

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