More Sporting Humour!

Its the way you tell'em

Water polo is terribly dangerous. I had two horses drowned under me!

Tony Curtis

What a game! The referee was wearing glasses over his contact lenses.

Mike Harding

In the opening twenty minutes at Murrayfield, Portugal bought more dummies than a nurse on a maternity ward.

Alasdair Reid

Even though I've retired from boxing, I still go to the gym to spar every day. I miss being hit on the head.

Frank Bruno

Our shot-putters are in better condition than Gazza.

Linford Christie

Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's car sounding a bit rough?

Murray Walker

I was watching Germany and I got up to make a cp of tea. I bumped into the telly and Klinsman fell over.

Frank Skinner

Football is football; if that weren't the case, it wouldn't be the game it is.

Garth Crooks

It was grand playing for Nottingham Forest. Brian Clough told me just to go out, get the ball, and give it to my Nigel.

Roy Keane

It's a pleasure to be standing up here. In fact it's a pleasure to be standing up.

George Best

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were already taken.

Lewis Grizzard

Boxing is just show business with blood.

Frank Bruno

I used to go missing a lot; Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.

George Best

If we played like that every week we wouldn't be inconsistent.

Bryan Robson

I remember when Steve Davis used to take Valium as a stimulant.

Denis Taylor

So the concussed Stan Collymore doesn't know who he is. Tell him he's Pele and put him back on.

Ron Atkinson

Cricket is just organised loafing.

Peter West

Paul Gascoigne is Tyneside's very own Renaissance man. A man capable of breaking both leg and wind at the same time.

Jimmy Greaves

When I lost the decathlon record I took it like a man. I cried for a week.

Daley Thompson

The Republic of Ireland have just one game plan. If Plan A fails, resort to Plan A.

Mark Laurenson

Terry Venables has a choice of Gascoigne, Platt, Beardsley and Ince. Any of those would get into the Swiss side. I've got to pick between Sforza, Sforza and Sforza. I usually pick Sforza.

Roy Hodgson

Ray Thompson