River Wissey Lovell Fuller

Only In America

February 2004

Some typical American humour

Subject: Only in America

Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a

Skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the

back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy

Cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America.......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,

And a diet coke.

5. Only in America.......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the

Pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the

Driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America. do we use answering machines to screen calls and then

have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to

Talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in

packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the

process so well: 'Poli' in Greek meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning

'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille



Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline!

"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made

with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't

they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

From one of our American readers!

Kelley Badillo

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