River Wissey Lovell Fuller


December 2003

Another of Les Lawrence's tongue in cheek dissertations!

I was talking to someone recently and he ask me why I now go to Chapel every Sunday. Was I a born again Christian? I had to explain to him that it had very little to do with Religion which he couldn't understand. I went on to explain that, in my view, people such as myself who frequently go into pubs and clubs are not drawn into such places just because of the alcohol. After all, you can buy all of that you want from the Supermarket and it's cheaper. So other factors are at work. I learnt many years ago that selling insurance had very little to do with selling insurance; again other factors came into play.

How well I remember one house I use to call at, in those days, weekly. I use to have to let myself in. I knew where the key was and there, waiting for me, wasn't just the insurance money but a tray with teapot sugar milk and some biscuits. One day I was rather late so I didn't stop for tea etc. The next week there was a note near the tray saying, "Isn't our tea good enough for you?" It was tea every week after that and one day the Lady of the house came home early as I sat there supping away. "I glad I caught you" she said, "Come and tell me what you think to our new bedroom suite" and sure enough I had to go and see this darned thing.

A week or two later I was back at this house one night wanting to sell "Mr." a pension policy. I was sitting there with a whisky glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other, courtesy of "Mr.", about to waffle on about this policy when "She" had to put her spoke in saying to her husband, "Les was very impressed with our bedroom suite!" I gulped down a large dose from my whisky glass thinking I wanted to make a sale not get a black eye. Eventually I was able to get back to the policy and it wasn't long before "She" said to her husband, "I would do that dear if I was you. It sounds a good idea". Quite honestly I don't think she knew what I was on about and as I was on my second glass of whisky I don't think I knew either. With the sale completed it was time to go and as "She" saw me to the door she said, "By the time you come again you will see our new living room carpet, I'm sure you will like it"

A week or two later I was back at the house. The usual formula; whisky glass and cigarette, and yes "She" would like a pension policy, but only after we had a two hour waffle about that darned carpet, which needless to say I was impressed with.

I got my comeuppance years later when I was forced to take three exams. I passed the first and failed the other two mainly because I was asked a lot of stupid questions about insurance which I didn't understand. Had they have ask me about Bedroom Suites, Carpets, Three Piece Suites, I would have past with flying colours. Not only that but, in the exam room, we only had coffee to drink so I was on strange ground to start with.

Les Lawrence

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