River Wissey Lovell Fuller

Europe Versus the Queen

November 2003

A tongue in cheel look at the development of the English language into a germanic eurospeak!


The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement had been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications rather than German, which was the other possibility.

Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and had accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as Euro English (Eurish) For short.

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f'. This will make words like "fotograf " 20 percent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptence of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterrent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v" During ze fifz y'ear, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibi riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand.

Supplied by Pat Holton

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