River Wissey Lovell Fuller

A Special Agent

June 2002

From door to bore

There's a knock on your door and who is it? Well it's that nice Insurance Man. You were feeling rather miserable but not anymore, how pleased you are to see him. And why not? But what does he want? Well, he wants to know who will look after the kids if anything happens to you and hubby and, to help to solve the problem, he wants you to pay so much each month. A happy sort of subject, and the more you think about it the less you like it. And what's more you are not sure if you like him; in fact to be honest you can't stand the sight of him.

Now if it was that handsome Double Glazing Man, that's more like it. He's far more interesting, Yes, new windows, that's what you need; not some jerk going on about when you are dead. Of course we could be bothered more than we are. I've been around for many years but I have never known the Vicar call and see me. Who knows, he probably doesn't like me and yet I seem to be a pleasant enough chap. What about the Grocer, Butcher, Milkman and so on? None of them have ever called, soliciting, if you will pardon the word, for my business.

I have been giving all of this some considerable thought and I just wonder if I should come out of retirement? Yes, I really am over 65! Now calm down Ladies, yes I agree I do look young for my age, well you see I have never had any worries. Women have never bothered me they have just ignored me. The day will come when I will look old. We can't all be as fortunate as that retired Headmaster, who I'm told will stay Young forever! What I think I should do is to be some sort of Agent for all of these Businesses. I could call at people's homes and if Insurance didn't appeal, how about some Double Glazing. Groceries? I know a Shop who will do you a good deal. Your Daughter has got to get married in a hurry? I never did like the look of her young man; don't worry I'll see the Vicar for you. Just a thought, why doesn't your Daughter wait until she has had the baby then the Vicar can marry her and baptise the baby all on the same day? Two jobs for the price of one leave it to me.

All of this could be the death of poor old Mum and Dad. Not to worry, I know an Undertaker who will do you a good deal. His price won't frighten you to death! Just a thought, you must be dead already other wise you wouldn't want him would you? We must get our facts right. I've been thinking, this Daughter of yours. When she gets her baby, an only child, now I don't think that's a good idea. I think I should call and see her; you see in my new career I will have to cater for every eventuality, that is, if I can stay clear of the boy friend.

Les Lawrence

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