Wereham Sign Gary Trouton

A New Club

June 2002

Too much useless information?

Did you know that I gave up smoking some 512 weeks ago last Sunday? 'No you didn't know that', I hear you say, and what's more you are not in the least bit interested. Well that's bad news because I thought a little titbit like that would have appealed to you. It certainly appeals to me! In fact I want to tell you how fascinated I am with my latest idea; I want to start a new Club. The object of my Club will be to bring people together who think along the same lines as myself. I would say intellectuals, no I didn't say idiots you heard what I said the first time. I propose to call my Club, 'The Useless Information Club'. Membership will be open to anyone who has a normal disposition, and I am aware that this could lead to the exclusion of some people residing in parts of Wereham and most of West Dereham; excluding of course such people as Ron Watts and Chris Young, both of whom would prefer to remain anonymous, assuming they knew how to spell it.

Disconcerting readers will have noticed that I have digressed so, back to the story. You don't think I am making this up as I go along do you? It is envisaged that Meetings will be held frequently, say even weekly, as there will be much to discuss. I have already heard from a number of prospective members all of whom are anxious to transform their lives by having intellectual discussions with people of the same ilk. Reports reaching me from some hope to be members from Wretton show that there is real concern in that Village; Salvia seeds have been slow to germinate this year my friends tell me. It is this sort of information, which I am confident, will appeal to fellow members of 'The Useless Information Club.'

A very attractive young lady, yes here we go again, who I called to see one day, she is you may wish to know training to be a Coastguard. Every time I call she always says, 'Come in the coast is Clear'. Anyway, she told me she had recently bought three pairs of Nylons which when she got home she discovered they all had got ladders in them. She insisted on showing me one pair and what made our discussion all the more interesting was that she had still got her legs in them! Needless to say I prolonged our conversation as long as possible. With the formation of my new Club uppermost in my mind I was anxious to get my hands on as many interesting items as I could and this delectable young lady seemed to have one or two items which I knew future prospective members of the male variety would also be keenly interested in. You see you can come across women's legs any day of the week, but laddered Nylons are a rare sight indeed.

Why a new Club? Well to tell you the truth I'm bored. There seems to be quite a lot going on under Stoke Bridge and damn all here at Methwold; and I'm being left here in the dark, even in the daytime!

Les Lawrence

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