You A Preacher?

Les Lawrence tries to convert

I have some news for anyone who has my best interests at heart; I have to tell you that I am giving a considerable amount of thought to the possibility of becoming a Preacher. As some of you may already know, and the rest of you quite rightly couldn't care less, I go to Chapel every Sunday morning at precisely 10 am.

If I could digress for a moment, this business of precisely 10am is something I don't understand. But that's the point, there is so much I don't understand. In my day when you got married it was at 2-30pm on a Saturday afternoon, not at 1pm or 4pm. 'The time is 2-30pm have you got that or do I have to repeat it?' says the Vicar. What was wrong with getting married on the Sunday at, say 4.30pm? It's my Wedding! Surely I should be able to pick the time? This would have left me free to play football on the Saturday, kick off 2-30pm. My God there we go again; even football matches had to start at 2-30pm. Can anybody tell me the time please? Yes it's 2-30pm; it's 2-30pm even if the sun is just rising! There's only one time, it's 2-30pm! How fortunate we are to live in today's world. Football matches in some cases start at 8pm; the rotters haven't they heard of 2-30pm?

Back if I must then to me becoming a Preacher. What's brought that on then? The answer is quite simple. The one's I listen to don't inspire me; they remind me of my school days, and I don't think my Teachers inspired me very much either. You see it isn't that they don't know their subject. My golly, they have more knowledge in their little fingers than I have in my entire body. What it is, they make everything so darn boring. All of this reminds me of my Insurance days and I would have thought you couldn't get anything more boring than that. Do you know that in over 30 years in insurance I must have had hundreds of conversations with different women but not one of them told me how good looking I was. Not one told me how intelligent I was. Not one told me how smartly dressed I was. Not one told me how good an Insurance Man I was (surely their could have lied just once, rotten lot).

But they did pay me one compliment, and that was worth all the others put together. They use to say, 'I can talk to you', and I believe that came about because I always considered other people to be of more interest to me than I ever was to them. So will I ever be a Preacher? I don't think so because Preachers talk at you, not to you or with you! In any event, Preachers may not talk down to you but they certainly look down on you because they are up there in the Pulpit. And that is a big mistake for a start, does that make sense? I think it does.

Les Lawrence