River Wissey Lovell Fuller

It'a All Too Much

April 2002

Les talks to himself about himself

An hour or so ago I woke up and discovered I was in bed; in fact this seems to happen to me quite often, especially in the mornings. It should be said though that you don't have to be in bed in order to wake up; it isn't, as some better educated people than me would say, a prerequisite. I sometimes wake up in the afternoons and find myself sitting on the Settee with my Wife, no not someone else's wife, mine. To make life a bit more interesting maybe that's what I should do; wake up one afternoon on the Settee, not with my Wife but with Her, the one who is all legs and mascara.

Maybe my life is too ridged; maybe a bit more variation is required. I shall have to speak to my Wife about it. Anyway when I did wake up this morning I started to think; never mind what with. You see I have a problem - no it isn't my Wife; why is it I'm always surrounded by know-alls? My problem is I am convinced this world is too much for me, I just don't understand it. Could all of this be do to the fact that I have lived in Methwold all of my life should I have moved further a field, say to Fincham?

My trouble is I keep talking to myself; yesterday I ask myself, 'Is Carol Vorderman's Husband, Mr. Vorderman? I have a feeling it isn't. Very often on TV you will see a married couple with different names, but then is that a problem? Just because you marry someone why should you have to have his name? I think you should have any name you want. I don't know of anyone who has changed their name, apart from as I have said, women when they get married. I have often thought that I should change my name. I've got no problem with my Surname but the last thing you want is a Christian name like Leslie struck in front of it. What my Mother was up to, I don't know.

Something else I was talking to myself about the other day. Well the trouble is it's difficult to come across people who want to listen; they keep interrupting. I was on about when you write letters, all this here stuff like, Dear Sir. Half the time you don't know whether you are writing to a man or women. In any case, why should I call them Dear? Then when you come to finish the letter off, another load of nonsense; Yours Faithfully! Why should I be faithful to someone I've never heard of? And what about this one, 'I remain your obedient servant'. What a load of rubbish! You can say what you like, this world is too much for me, I just don't understand it. The trouble is we never change things. It's the same boring old thing day after day. I put this to a certain Lady whose name I won't mention. I said, 'Would you like to change anything?' She didn't answer she just glared at me. So obviously she's happy with things as they are; or is she?

Les Lawrence

Copyright remains with independent content providers where specified, including but not limited to Village Pump contributors. All rights reserved.