River Wissey Lovell Fuller

Now No Cheating

November 2001

Anyone for table tennis? How about a beer instead?

Time past slowly and I got more and more bored until someone suggested we pay, I think it was Basil, a visit at the George and Dragon nearby. At that time I didn't drink much, come to think of it I didn't do anything very much. In those days there was a drink, which came in a rather small bottle called 'Norfolk Nips' which I found pretty strong. I guess we had more than one or two of them and eventually in a somewhat better frame of mind headed back to the Village Hall. It soon became my turn to play and it turned out that I had been drawn to play someone who I think was known as 'Peter the Pole'; a pleasant enough chap. Unfortunately, Peter is no longer with us and I know you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but I can only say that my opponent was a bit of a cheat, at least at the time I thought so.

Modesty can't prevent me from saying that I thought I was a fairly good player but it wasn't long before Peter was thrashing me. My evidence that Peter was cheating came about when I realised that every time I hit a ball at Peter he hit two back at me which of course left me totally confused, and no wonder I lost. On reflection I just wonder if Peter really did cheat or was it those 'Norfolk Nips' that were responsible? Who knows but shortly after that I gave up playing table tennis and started mixing in with women. Needless to say, that's when my troubles really started.

Could I have said I would have been better off if I had kept to that well known saying, 'Anyone for Tennis'? Well not really. I must confess that those 'Norfolk Nips' cheered me up a darned sight more than Tennis ever did. However if I had to go back to playing Tennis I think I would prefer Doubles rather than Singles; assuming of cause someone else was paying!

Les Lawrence

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